TPJ05 | The Coffee Break Interview | 5.29.21

Foreign.

Hello, fellow travelers, and welcome to the Prodigal Journey, where we celebrate Christ's power through our weakness.On today's episode, I'm just going to be cross posting an interview that I did recently with another podcast, which is called the Coffee Break with Brianne Nicholson.They're going through a special series right now just talking about faith journeys, and they asked me to come on and just share some of my story and what God's been doing the last couple years. So you don't want to miss this interview.Maybe you've already listened to my first episode where I tell my story, so you will hear some things that are similar, but also there's some things we talk about in this interview that are different and new. So I hope you enjoy it. And if you want to reach out, you can reach me, ben@theprodigaljourney.com. That's Ben@theprodigaljourney dot com.All right, here we go. This is the interview with the Coffee break.

Coffee breaks aren't just for the coffee anymore.You found a community, a community for women to come, for encouragement, to have devotion with one another and to build community together in a chaotic, uncertain world. It's time for us to find and renew our identity in Christ sisters. We're in this together. Hello and welcome. Grab a cup of coffee and let's chat.I'm Brianne Nicholson and it's time for your coffee break. Hello, everybody. I hope you are having a great start to your week and I hope you had a great weekend.I am excited to be joined by a couple of my favorite people here, here. Today I have a new co host for this episode. Her name is Jennifer Looper.You guys have heard from Jennifer many different times over the past couple of weeks on the podcast. And we're also joined by Ben, who is my normal co host because he's going to be sharing his faith journey today. So. Hello, everybody.

Hello.

Hey.

I'm glad you guys are here.

Yeah, I'm a little worried about this because if I'm in the hot seat, who's. Who's steering the ship for all the equipment?

You are.

Oh, I gotta do both.

Congratulations. Yep, you're.

I need a pay raise.

I know, right? That's funny. Yeah. So are you excited to share your story?

Ask me after.

Yeah, that's what I figured. That's what I figured. So, guys, we're continuing the series of sharing everyday people's faith journeys and Ben is our next person to share.I have been begging him to share for a while.Now on the podcast, and like I've said before, Ben actually runs his own podcast, the Prodigal Journey, and he shared his faith journey through that too, and many other. Many other guys. Really? You kind of used to kind of steer towards guys. Yeah, that's what's cool about our two podcasts. They kind of.

Yeah, that's kind of seemed to be where my niche has been for now.

Yeah. And he interviewed me and Drew at one point, a couple of. It's a couple of months ago now.

Yeah.

Which was really cool. So we want to go ahead and just jump right in and just hear from Ben and hear about his story.So, Ben, you want to tell them a little bit about yourself first.

What do you want to know? I mean, I live in Greenville. I've been back in the area now for about three and a half years probably at this point.I moved back here in 2018, was living in Wisconsin at the time, and all my family is down here, my parents, my siblings. So just came back to this area.

And Ben and I met through the Pickens County Performing Arts center, which is where I'm the artistic director of theater. We met a couple months ago, I guess I started in January, February of this year.And so we met then and the Lord just kind of crossed our paths together. I shared about my podcast and he was like, hey, let me produce this for you before. It was a struggle.

At least you got the little taken out.

The little.

What is it?

Metronome I had going in the very.

Beginning,.

My first intro. It's okay, I'm learning, I'm growing.

It's great.

Now I just have somebody that does it for me, so. That's funny. Okay, cool. Well, so what, what about your faith journey? Do you want to share today, Ben, what's been on your heart?

Where do we start?

I know, right?

So for me, I grew up in a Christian home. My, my dad was a pastor most of my life. Well through, you know, all the way through high school and a little bit of college.But, you know, by college I was already out of the house and stuff. And so, yeah, I grew up in a Christian home. My parents were in full time ministry as long as I can remember.And I remember a lot of times for me going to different youth events, camps.And the denomination I grew up in was very much centered around more of the hellfire brimstone preaching, almost like scary, hey, you know, type stuff. And so I remember many times making decisions, you know, like, hey, I don't, I don't want this. So of Course I'm gonna make this decision.But I felt like a lot of times, looking back, it was very much like almost every time we went to camp every summer, I felt like I was making that type of decision and just feeling like because of a lot of the sin I was, you know, committing and all that hurting people, but I was just like, there's no way I'm saved. So that was definitely a huge part of my life, that back and forth battle. And for me, just very early on in high school, we.We had a lot of strict rules growing up. And a lot of stuff I'm saying today, you know, my parents, we've already talked through a lot of this, so nothing's gonna surprise them.

Yeah.

Like you did the one time surprise your parents.

Yeah, thanks for that.

But surprised. Yeah. So, I mean, very early on it was about the very legalistic living rules, like, hey, you can't do this. Can't listen to this kind of music.And so that's what a lot of the faith for me, I felt like it's centered around that and. Which was very, in some ways, not very healthy for my. For my life.And so I remember very early on, junior high in high school, I didn't understand a lot of it and just really bucked against the system and kind of wanted to do my own thing with my friends and stuff. But then at church, I would try to be this good kid and I was in the choir, I even directed the choir and all that kind of stuff. So.But outside of that, you know, the rest of the week, I was, you know, whoever I wanted to be with, my friends and school and stuff.

Yeah.

So. Yeah, so very early on, I know for me, I developed a very. One of the big things for me was in through that time that I wasn't.I was not allowed to date at all or anything like that.So that, for me, very early on, created a very unhealthy view of relationships just with people in general and especially with women and stuff like that. So I developed very early on a very unhealthy belief about, you know, relationships and that I felt like they had to be secretive and.

Right.

Yeah, a lot of stuff surrounding that. So it just was very unhealthy for me. Got to college and just had no direction in my life.I had went to a couple different colleges for different studies and just had no direction. Didn't know what I wanted to do with my life pretty much. And I felt like everybody else did. And so I felt alone and didn't know what to Do.So eventually dropped out of school and went back to Illinois to live with my family for a bit and work. And through that time, you know, just kept doing my own thing.Then came back to South Carolina for a little bit, you know, and was just had no direction pretty much. I mean.

Yeah.

So. But through that time, after I moved back here, developed a really unhealthy addiction to pornography and I was exposed to it through a roommate.And that just set me on a more destructive path. And yeah, I mean that's been a lot of my life is just.

Doing.

My own thing and not really understanding.

What the gospel was about, where God was leading you.

Yeah, for sure.

That's really tough.A lot of kids, I feel like churches like when kids are like subjected to that kind of legalistic background in churches sometimes that gets really hard for, for kids to be able to understand.And then if they're going home to some, which you had a good home life, but like if you're going home to a place that's not really a good home life, they're like, well this, these people over here are telling me I'm going to go to hell if I don't do this right. But maybe they're watching their parents do it, you know, do the same things, you know what I'm saying?

Yeah. Rule based is tough.

It's hard. Yeah, I'm, I'm very blessed in that. My parents just found that freedom when I was younger.Like I went to a legalistic type church through like the age of six and then we started like the home church type thing. So it was just like a really organic. Don't make fun of me for saying organic. I see you smiling.A very organic type of relationship with God, you know what I mean?

Yeah.

But I can see that like when you don't have that relationship, you're not being able to cultivate that. You're not, you're not being taught how to cultivate that relationship like properly.Then of course you're not gonna have any direction because you don't have the Creator like showing you that direction, you know?

Yeah.And I think it goes to show you too, like, I mean your parents do matter a lot through that kind of stuff, but I have friends I know who have been through similar stuff who didn't have a good home life.

Yeah.

And so it really just goes to show you, I mean I've seen people come out of that and you know, thrive out of that in the relationship with Christ.

Just cultivating that.

Yeah. I mean, so really, I mean Parents do play a huge part, but in the end, I still was going to do my own thing because I wanted to.

So, yeah, I think what. And I struggled.We had Joe on here the other week, and both of us said we hit 40 and realized is what we want to do to be in high school and think that you have to make decisions that affects you the rest of your life.

Oh, yeah.

I've got to know what I. What I'm going to be and what I'm going to do. I think we should start school way later, so not graduate until you're like, 40 and from high school.Yeah.

Jennifer for president.

That was. That was another thing, too, that really set me on a hard path because a lot too inside that denomination was very much like, okay, like you.God has this one job for you or this one place you're supposed to live, one person you're supposed to marry. And that was very, like, for kids at that age.And even pretty much anybody, when you start to believe that, you're like, okay, well, I got to be really careful. And if I'm. If I choose the wrong thing, God's, like, going to destroy the rest of my life and be upset with me.So since then, the last couple years, I've really.Since being back here in the church I'm connected to, I've started to see a lot of that, how that was unhealthy and like, you know, it doesn't matter if I'm working at, you know, some pizza place or if I'm working at a church somewhere. God, if it's honoring to God, he's going to be honored either way. And you know, that. That's very freeing, too, to know that, like, okay, if I.If I make this one wrong choice, like, my whole life is over. And that's hard to get over sometimes when you're in that for so long, so.

Yep, yep.

Totally agree.

Love that. So as you. I mean, I. I know we talked about your. Your pornography addiction. So, like, where did that lead you? You know, what.What led you to where you are now as the great guy that I know you are now.

You know, she doesn't know me that.

Well, but really, on your podcast and just your life in general, you just share Jesus, like, I see Jesus just flowing out of you, you know?

Yeah. So for me, around 2011, a lot of it just came. Came crashing down.Pretty much my whole life came crashing down, and all the consequences caught up with me. I mean, because I was just.I was just not caring who I was hurting and at the time I was married and, you know, we had been through some counseling together, and still I just.A lot of it focused on the marriage side of it, and I wasn't really dealing with a lot of issues I had from growing up and just things in my own life that I had to deal with first.And so, yeah, about that time I just had, you know, a lot of the decisions I was making, sinful choices just in general, came crashing down and was faced with some consequences from some choices I had made. And, you know, around 2012, for about a year or so, I spent some time incarcerated for some of my choices.And so, yeah, that was in 2011, was a huge turning point for me. Like we talked about before we started recording, Jennifer was going to ask about the Aha. Jesus moment.

Yeah,.

I would say that's when it was for me.Because after all that happened, I just realized, like, I look back over my life and I just did not have an understanding of the gospel and God's grace in my life and just realized that there was no fruit in my life that resembled anybody who was, you know, had a relationship with Jesus Christ. And that was. That was really my Aha moment for me. And. Yeah, and. But even after that, you know, I wasn't really.Didn't have a lot of discipleship after that. And really until I got plugged in back down here in Greenville and the church I'm in, so I did still have some struggles here and there.And just like we all do, you know, it's a journey and. And then through some of that, after I got out of incarceration, we were doing better, our marriage was doing a little better and.But still, like I said, there wasn't really any discipleship. So just through some choices I was making and she just decided, you know, she didn't want to move forward anymore and try to work things out and.And that's how I ended up back here. Just, you know, I came back to where my family was and needed. Needed a good support network to just kind of rebuild my life and get back community.Yeah, for sure.

In all kind of ways.

Right?

I love that. Very cool. So now I know you're working with your church with a lot of different things. And like I said, you.You do your, your podcast, which I'll link. I always link.

Yeah.

Which is really cool and just being able to share because I think addiction is a problem that a lot of people face. And it's an addiction. It's like a private thing, especially like a pornography addiction.People don't know that others are struggling with it or like marriages are struggling with it. You know, it's difficult.And you know, I've shared about my marriage on here, about Drew being addicted in the past, and it's hard, but I mean, just knowing that God is good and God is, you know, bigger than any of that.

Yeah.

Yeah.I think one of the biggest things I've learned through now that I'm kind of in a position where I'm, you know, trying to help other people and not just through addictions. Like the program that we have at our church is called Regeneration Regen for short.It's just a 12 step discipleship program that's really geared towards anybody who's. Who's had hurts in their lives from other people, who's caused hurts to other people. It just helps get your. Re. Your.Your view refocused on who God is and his ability to change you. So that's what I love about it. It's just really for anybody who needs that.But one thing I've specifically learned last couple of years is just that people who.Who haven't like, experienced that type of stuff or had somebody in their family who's going through stuff like that, it's really easy to like, just tell people, okay, like just, just stop it, you know, and there's not a whole lot of understanding behind it or what's going on with that kind of stuff. And I'm not a doctor, but I will say this.I know there's been studies that'll say, you know, stuff is especially like drug addictions and pornography and some of those like get completely re. Hardwires your brain and the chemicals in your. In your brain.And so there's a lot of that going on too, that people don't understand alongside of dealing with other issues that lead to those types of problems and sinful choices. So really it's about patience. And so it's a lot of grace, giving a lot of grace to other people and working with other people.So I'm just thankful for that opportunity.

Yeah.

And it's. It's awesome just to be able to see God working through other people's lives. Because the whole program we do, it lasts nine months.

Wow.

So it's very intensive. It's once a week on Tuesday nights.

Another person.

Yeah, yeah. So you see him once a week for about an hour and a half or so. And you just dig into a lot of dirty stuff from your life.And yeah, you know, you do an inventory, kind of like going through ways you've been hurt ways people have hurt you or you've hurt other people. Just a lot of inventory on just like stuff in your life that you never really dealt with.And it's an intense program, but it's probably the one I've been a part of that's. I've seen the most change in people and yeah, it's awesome.

I think it's. It's cool. God uses all things in our life to grow to. Sometimes it alters our path, but he uses it.I mean, I always think of Saul, you know, on the road to Damascus. I mean, he was blinded and he was like the worst person ever. And God used him.And look what he did, you know, with his persecution of Christianity, it grew the gospel. So I think it's cool. He uses everything that we go through to shape us and mold us and make us undercar the kingdom. Yep.

Very cool. Cool, cool. Well, I know that you have a few verses that you maybe want to share.

Yeah, I can. If you don't have any other questions or anything.

I mean, like some verses that I guess helped you through your path and just remind you of truth that God gives you.

Yeah, well, ones that I was thinking of specifically just to share in First Timothy, chapter one, it says, this is a trustworthy saying and everyone should accept it. Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, and I am the worst of them all.But God had mercy on me so that Christ Jesus could use me as a prime example of his great patience with even the worst sinners. Then others will realize that they too can believe in him and receive eternal life. And that's just kind of some verses.I've claimed this especially this last year or so. And just a lot of what I've been able to do with my church and through the program is that that really nobody is beyond the reach of God's grace.And the awesome thing is just to know that, you know, and when we tell our stories and we tell what God's doing, you know, we need to be pointing people back to who God is and what he's doing. And not because of anything I've done, you know, myself, because there's nothing I can do to. To attain that from Him.So it's just awesome to see, you know, see that and be able to point to what God is doing. Because I tried doing it on my own for so many years and look where it got me, you know. So, yeah, that's just been encouragement to me the last year.

So I love that so much. So if someone was going down this path of like, I guess the same path maybe, or a similar path that you were going down.What would you tell them right now, just as a reminder or just truth to feed into them?

Yeah, I would say. I mean, I think one of the biggest things that I've learned coming out of the denomination that I was a part of for so long is that. And I came.When I came to the church I'm at now, like, I was so shocked when even the pastors and the teachers would get up and say, oh, I struggled with this this week, or I go and see a counselor for this. So really what I would say is the biggest. One of the biggest things that's important to remember is some. Some things like this.I mean, there's a lot of different things, but a lot of sins that we choose and paths we choose. It breeds a lot of isolation in our lives, a lot of shame and guilt.So I think one of the most important things is having a community around you that you feel safe with and can share these types of things because. And that's one of the reasons I started my pot the.My one podcast, the Prodigal Journey, because I just saw a lot of what I was going through and feelings I had during that time and just realizing that, like, other people must be feeling this too. Like, feeling like they're alone or they're the only ones experiencing this.And, you know, even though we have everybody's experiences might be different, they might be similar, but at the root of it all, we're really. It's all the same battle for our hearts and our minds and, you know, trying to replace God in our hearts and idolatry.It's really all goes back to the same core issues, but it's still. People feel alone, they feel shame and, you know, isolated.

Yeah.

And that's just going to keep breeding the same cycle over and over again. So it's really important to have people that you can say, hey, like, I'm really struggling with this. I need help.And that's really one of the biggest first steps to kind of help you.

Turn into so easy to hide those kind of things as humans, you know what I mean?

It is.

That's a problem.Like in churches or, you know, in Bible study groups or whatever, it's like people are coming together, but yet we're not really sharing our true hearts and our struggles. And, like, that's what God calls his church to do. Like, the church is the whole. Or we're supposed to share those burdens and.And Things and carry those together until we go into eternity with God. You know what I mean?

Yeah, for sure.

Just like putting up a facade and not really sharing your heart.

I think that comes from being judged.

Yeah.

Like, you don't want to be judged. You want to be loved. Christ said that's how they're gonna know you is by your love.

And that's what I try to do.I know we've talked about this in the past, but like, every action I take to the McDonald's worker that I'm going through the drive thru, like, am I being. Am I showing Christ's love to this person?Or like these kids that are coming into the theater and like our actors here, like, we don't know their stories. I don't know, you know, the person that I'm coming in contact with every day. I don't know their story. I don't know what they're going through.So am I showing that love to them that could change their life and like, make a difference in their life and their point of view?

You know, I listened to this really cool rabbi and he's cool, we love the rabbi. We love the river.And he talked about, he came out of a hospital and he noticed this lady standing in the middle of this courtyard and she was just sobbing and nobody stopped.And he said, he walked over and he stopped and started talking to her and found out she had just lost her son to, like, cancer or something and nobody had taken the time to stop. And he stopped and prayed with her and she told him, you're the only one who stopped to help me when I was in need. Yeah.And I think we oftentimes don't see who Jesus puts in front of us every day to share the gospel and share love.

Do I ever look at sometimes get too caught up in the busyness of the world?

Yeah, yeah.

Or we feel like whatever we have to say is not going to be of any help to them because sometimes when we see another. Something somebody else is struggling with, you know, we think, oh, I'm not struggling with that. So I don't know how to identify or help them.But really, like I said earlier, it's the roots are all the same. Like, it's all a battle for the same things.Whether it's, you know, an eating problem or pornography or drugs or, you know, whatever it may be, it always the same struggle. And we can really identify with people through that.We have to kind of look past what's going on and on the surface and what they're struggling with and be able to just connect with them, like Jennifer said, through love. And. Yeah, I mean, I'm guilty of that too.So many times I pass up so many opportunities because I'm so focused on what my problem is for the day or frustrated, something else, you know.And yeah, I've been really challenged with that lately the last couple weeks, you know, I think, you know, one of the interviews you did a couple of weeks ago, she shared some of that in her story. I think it was Audra's. And she said how she was talking to the male lady and, you know, just people like that.Yeah, yeah, people like that you don't normally think of. Like, you just tell them your story and what God's doing and that's, that's where you connect with people.

So never know when you're going to make a difference. Yeah, nice life. Yeah, that's awesome. That's kind of.I mean, that's why I started this whole, like, study, like, because I had never shared my full faith journey. And so when I shared it, it was like, oh, my gosh, why am I not, like, why am I not doing this? Why am I not sharing this with people?Because this is like a way to praise God. Because, like, look at where I was and look at where, you know, I am now.And yeah, I'm still going through struggles every single day, but God is still good every single day, you know, and he's still working and I can see that every single day, every minute. But it's because I'm being intentional about it and looking for that and being open to everything he's doing.

Yeah. And I think too, remembering so much about his.His unfailing love towards us when we're in that mindset of, like, performance mindset of, you know, with the rules and all that.But once we get out of that mindset, you know, and we just realize, like, how much God loves us no matter, there's nothing we can do that's gonna take away his love for us. That just really changes the way we live. I mean, because when we think of God's grace, we kind of just.We look at it so up close that we don't miss the bigger picture. And we see God's grace and like, his forgiveness. But his grace also allows us to experience that life change that he has for us.So we kind of have to step back and see that bigger picture, that it's not just about his grace forgiving us, but he empowers us to be able to work through us and have our lives be changed.

So that's so incredible.

Yep.

I love that. Well, thank you Ben for sharing.

Yeah, no problem.

Jennifer, do you mind praying for us as we go out?

Sure. Okay. Heavenly Father, we thank you Lord for this day. We thank you for what you do for us. We thank you for what you did on the cross, Father.I pray, Lord, that we will look through your eyes in this world and just reach out and share your love with everyone we come into contact with. Be with this podcast and help this touch and help somebody as they're struggling or what they're going through.We love you and praise you in Jesus name. Amen.

Amen. Thank you Jennifer for joining me and thank you Ben for stepping out of the co host spot and sharing your story. I appreciate that.

I hope, I hope it sounds okay. I didn't do much touch. I didn't touch them any buttons this episode. So.

So next week we're actually going to be sharing.Jennifer and I are going to be back and we're going to be sharing a little bit about what we're doing here at the theater that we're currently working at. And then the week after that we'll be back on the series of sharing the faith journeys of everyday people.So I hope you guys continue to join us and share with your friends.Do not forget that you can check out our website breanne griffinnicholson.com for thoughts of the day, blog post, post, and of course, of course the coffee break podcast. And you can also check us out on Facebook and Instagram at.Brianne Griffin Nicholson, I hope you guys have a great week and drink some really great coffee.