God is there, waiting—arms open—and you have to get to the other side. We sit down with Shayla Renee, who vulnerably walks us through how a five‑year, manipulative relationship nearly stole her life, how losing her mother and hiding behind church attendance instead of a real relationship with Christ set the stage, and how God’s patient love finally pulled her out. Shayla tells us plainly about how abusers don’t show up as monsters at first, how red flags and the yo‑yo cycle of love‑bombing and discard look, and why triggers are not reasons to stop but invitations to let God heal. We talk about conviction versus condemnation—run toward God when you feel convicted, don’t run away in shame—and how practical support (friends, church, advocates) and faith helped her reclaim herself. Shayla’s now a best‑selling author and victim advocate—her book He Almost Stole My Life and shaylaInspires.com are full of resources—and we hope her story gives you the courage to keep moving forward, even when it gets messy, because the light at the end of the tunnel is real.
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iHeartRadio Sensitive Content Disclaimer: On this episode we will be talking about sensitive topics such as abuse, alcohol, and some other topics that may not be suitable for all audiences. We hope and pray that the open conversation on this episode brings education and hope. However, if you are likely to be adversely impacted by these topics, please refrain from listening.
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SUMMARY/INTRO:
God is there, waiting—arms open—and you have to get to the other side. We sit down with Shayla Renee, who vulnerably walks us through how a five‑year, manipulative relationship nearly stole her life, how losing her mother and hiding behind church attendance instead of a real relationship with Christ set the stage, and how God’s patient love finally pulled her out. Shayla tells us plainly about how abusers don’t show up as monsters at first, how red flags and the yo‑yo cycle of love‑bombing and discard look, and why triggers are not reasons to stop but invitations to let God heal. We talk about conviction versus condemnation—run toward God when you feel convicted, don’t run away in shame—and how practical support (friends, church, advocates) and faith helped her reclaim herself. Shayla’s now a best‑selling author and victim advocate—her book He Almost Stole My Life and shaylaInspires.com are full of resources—and we hope her story gives you the courage to keep moving forward, even when it gets messy, because the light at the end of the tunnel is real.
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SHOW NOTES:
What happens when a relationship that once seemed to offer everything begins to take everything from you?
In this episode of The Prodigal Journey, Ben and Dawn sit down with author, speaker, Christian life coach, and certified victim advocate Shayla Renee to talk about her book He Almost Stole My Life and the abusive relationship that inspired it.
Shayla shares how her childhood, early exposure to addiction, low self-esteem, and a church-centered understanding of Christianity shaped the way she entered adulthood. Although she regularly attended church, she eventually realized that checking the right boxes was not the same as having a genuine relationship with Jesus Christ.
At 23, Shayla entered a relationship that initially appeared promising. What began with attraction and the promise of a better life eventually became a five-year relationship marked by physical, mental, verbal, and financial abuse. She explains how manipulation, isolation, self-blame, and the cycle of good days and bad days can make it difficult to recognize that a relationship needs to end—even when the warning signs are there.
Shayla also talks honestly about the role her faith played in the relationship. After losing her mother to stage-four breast cancer, she struggled with anger toward God and pulled away from Him. Eventually, she began studying Scripture and recognized that she couldn’t hold onto both her relationship with Christ and a relationship that was pulling her away from Him.
The conversation also explores what helped Shayla heal: supportive people who held her accountable, becoming deeply involved in her church, learning what a real relationship with Jesus looked like, and understanding the difference between conviction and condemnation.
Shayla shares how God’s patience became one of the clearest things she learned through her story. Even when she ignored His warnings and continued down a destructive path, she believes God continued waiting for her with open arms.
Finally, Shayla offers encouragement to people who are still in toxic or abusive relationships. Healing may involve painful triggers, difficult decisions, lost relationships, and uncomfortable seasons—but she encourages people not to stop in the middle of the process. There is a way through the darkness, and there is hope on the other side.
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
- Attending church and checking religious boxes is not the same as having a relationship with Jesus.
- Abusive relationships don’t always begin with obvious warning signs or look like what we expect abuse to look like.
- Low self-esteem can make unhealthy relationships appear more attractive and make manipulation harder to recognize.
- Abuse can take many forms, including physical, emotional, verbal, mental, and financial abuse.
- The cycle of extremely good and extremely bad moments can make it difficult to recognize that a relationship is unhealthy.
- Sometimes the decision to leave an abusive relationship happens on a “good day,” when you recognize that the relationship itself is not sustainable.
- A healthy support network can play an important role in helping someone leave a toxic relationship.
- God can use different people for different seasons of healing and growth.
- There is an important difference between conviction and condemnation: conviction draws us toward God, while condemnation makes us want to run away from Him.
- Shayla describes God’s patience as one of the clearest things she learned through her journey.
- Our weakness is not a reason to run from God; it can become an opportunity to recognize our need for Him.
- Healing does not mean triggers disappear immediately. Triggers can reveal places where deeper healing is still needed.
- Sometimes getting to the other side of a painful experience gives us the ability to help someone else through theirs.
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ABOUT THE GUEST:
Shayla Renee is an author, speaker, Christian life coach, and certified victim advocate. She is also a wife and mother who describes herself as a child of God and an overcomer.
Her book, He Almost Stole My Life, tells the story of an abusive relationship that became a major part of her journey toward healing, faith, and freedom. Shayla wrote the book initially as a journaling exercise to help herself avoid returning to the relationship.
She is also a bestselling author in multiple Christian and relationship-related categories and uses her story to encourage others who are navigating toxic relationships, abuse, trauma, and faith.
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CHAPTERS:
00:00 - Show Intro & Guest Intro
02:00 — Shayla’s Story: Faith, Addiction & Early Life
07:50 — Growing Up “Churched” Without Knowing Christ
13:55 — The Five-Year Relationship That Changed Everything
16:20 — Physical, Mental, Verbal & Financial Abuse
20:00 — How Abusers Can Gain Trust & Exploit Vulnerability
27:00 — Recognizing Red Flags & Choosing a Different Life
34:50 — Finding the Right People During Healing
42:00 — What Shayla Learned About God’s Patience
46:50 — God’s Power in Our Weakness
51:45 — Conviction vs. Condemnation
54:00 — Getting to the Other Side of Healing
59:00 — Finding Hope & Helping Others
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Thank you for supporting conversations about Faith. Struggle. Becoming.
If this conversation encouraged you, you can support the podcast here:
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Intro/Outro music used with permission under a standard music license, purchased from @wavebeatsmusic. License certificate on file.
Credits:
Track Title: 'Motivational Power'
Music by WavebeatsMusic
Promo Video: https://youtu.be/5hTaTrJowJk
Track Info:
WBM T73: 'Motivational Power"
Artist: WavebeatsMusic
Composer: Henrique Tavares Dib
PRO: APRA/AMCOS, IPI:00611600895
Publisher: Songtrust ST Music ANZ PTY LTD, IPI: 825751036
00:00 - Show Intro & Guest Intro
02:00 - Shayla’s Story: Faith, Addiction & Early Life
07:50 - Growing Up “Churched” Without Knowing Christ
13:55 - The Five-Year Relationship That Changed Everything
16:20 - Physical, Mental, Verbal & Financial Abuse
20:00 - How Abusers Can Gain Trust & Exploit Vulnerability
27:00 - Recognizing Red Flags & Choosing a Different Life
34:50 - Finding the Right People During Healing
42:00 - What Shayla Learned About God’s Patience
46:50 - God’s Power in Our Weakness
51:45 - Conviction vs. Condemnation
54:00 - Getting to the Other Side of Healing
59:00 - Finding Hope & Helping Others
Speaker A
You're going to be triggered.And your triggers are just reminders of where we need God to heal our hearts.So whatever you're going through, be aware that there are going to be some obstacles, there's going to be some heartache, you're going to lose some people.But you got to get to the other side because God is there, waiting.Arms open.
Speaker B
Welcome to the Prodigal Journey, where we celebrate Christ's power through our weakness.And thank you for joining us on this episode.Welcome to another episode.I'm your host, Ben, and on today's episode, I have my guest co host.I guess you're not a guest anymore, but my wife dawn is back on the show.
Speaker C
Hey, everyone.
Speaker B
Welcome back.Yes, we were just talking before.My numbers seem to go up.Anytime I can get you on an episode.So we might have to make this more of, like, a permanent thing.
Speaker C
Yes.It's a lot, though.
Speaker B
It is, yeah.
Speaker C
I mean, I enjoy it, but it does take a chunk out.
Speaker B
Yeah, for sure.And I remembered to say my name this time at the beginning.So thank you for those reminders.Now, before we introduce our guest for this episode, we do have a quick announcement and just a word from one of our affiliate partners.So our announcement is that we now have a website that is up and running for the podcast.It is the Prodigal Journey dot com.
Speaker C
It's really nice.You did a good job designing it.
Speaker B
That's the Prodigal Journey dot com.Sometimes I wonder if people like, email me and then wonder if, oh, is there a website connected to that?So finally there is after about two or three years.But the goal was for us to kind of have a website where we could have everything together in one place.Just a place to send everybody instead of trying to send people to different places.So it's just a hub for all of our content.And instead of just recommending different platforms, it's just easier for everybody to go to that one place.You can listen on the website or you can find your podcast platform there and subscribe to it.You can also sign up for our email a list to get reminders when episodes are getting released.Eventually down the road, we might just add a blog as well and start doing some writing.So go check it out.The Prodigal Journey dot com.And one of my favorite features is listener voicemails.So on the website, down in the right hand corner, you'll see a little microphone.You can click on it and leave us a voicemail.I think I have it set for up to two minutes.Short time, but you can leave a voicemail there and your voicemail could be featured in the next episode.Unless you tell us otherwise.We might use it play it at the beginning.So just send us a voicemail and let us know how episodes have been helpful for you.
Speaker C
That's how I will be your guest co host.I'll do a voicemail at my own time and then you can play it whenever.
Speaker B
Oh, there we go.Yep.All right.One, a word from our one of our affiliate partners, Upside.If you have never used this app before, you're missing out.Upside provides you with a list of local gas stations, restaurants, and also grocery stores where you can get cash back.You can earn up to 25 cents per gallon back on cash, 30% on groceries, and up to 45% at restaurants.And when you share your invite code with friends and family, anytime they claim an offer and fill up, you will get $0.01 per gallon cash back every time they fill up.Now, I just want to say this.We had a lot of people click our links, but nobody signed up from the last episode.So make sure you go take advantage of that.And also, if you enter the promo code Journey25.That's Journey25.When you first sign up, you will get an additional 25 cents per gallon back on your first fill up on top of whatever cash back that that gas station is currently offering.So you definitely want to check that out in the show notes and take advantage of those offers.
Speaker C
Yeah, I was skeptical of this app.I thought, what?We were dating when you first introduced me to it, and I was like, what kind of pyramid scheme is he trying to get me to?Yeah, it's real.It's, it's, it's genuine.
Speaker B
Yeah, except I didn't get to use it this weekend for the car.
Speaker C
Yeah, I ran you out of gas.I tend to do that.Yeah.
Speaker B
All right.For this episode, we have a special guest joining us and we're going to be talking to Shayla.Renee.How are you doing today?
Speaker A
I am good, thank you.Thank you for having me.
Speaker B
Awesome.We're glad we could finally get you on the show.Now, I, I put some things here.You're an author, a speaker.I mean, you have a huge list of things you're doing.So why don't you just kind of give us a short rundown of who you are and what you do.
Speaker A
Well, first and foremost, I am a wife and I am a mother of a seven year old child.So I've been married for ten years.Ah, yeah.Ten years this year, which is, you know, awesome.
Speaker C
Yeah.
Speaker A
But like you said, I'm also a, an author and I'm a speaker and I'm a Christian life coach.But with all that being said, you know, I identify as a child of God, so all of those things I do, you know, don't hold up to the rank of being a child of God.So that's who I am.I'm also an overcomer.Like many of us, I've, I've been through some things and I got to see the other side.So that's who I am.And I am happy to be here.
Speaker C
Yeah, we're so glad to have you.
Speaker B
And also a number one best selling author for Amazon.
Speaker A
Yes, yes.In a few different categories.So that is also.
Speaker C
That's pretty cool.
Speaker A
That is cool.
Speaker C
What, which categories do you remember?
Speaker A
So we are under the Christian category.So we are number one under relationships, under number one under motivational marriage, which.Okay, great.I'll take it.So, yeah, it's about seven of them.Wow.
Speaker B
Yeah.
Speaker C
That's awesome.
Speaker A
I know.I'm, I'm so thankful for that.Yeah.
Speaker B
Yeah.And we'll get into some of that a little later about the book and just her experiences here that we're going to talk about.And just with the website, we have the option to be able to add guests to the website and specific episodes.So once this episode is posted, you'll see a bio about her at the bottom of that episode page and you can go read a little bit more about her.Her links to all her different social media will be attached to that.And that's another opportunity I'm excited about to be able to, to network with the guests that we do have on the show.All right, you told us a little bit about yourself.You're married and you have one child already.You guys living in South Carolina?
Speaker A
We are.We are in South Carolina.We've been here for almost three years, I believe.So we are transplants.We're from the Philadelphia, Pennsylvania area.My husband is a native Philadelphian.If you've ever, if you ever meet him, he'll go through his whole.What is the Will Smith jingle?West Philadelphia born and raised.
Speaker C
Yeah.
Speaker A
On the playground.That's his whole story.
Speaker C
Fresh Prince.
Speaker B
Yes.
Speaker A
Yes.He is West Philly born.You know, I am not from Philadelphia.I am from the outskirts of Philadelphia about 45 minutes to an hour suburb close to Lancaster, Pennsylvania.Or you know, some people may know West Chester, but Lancaster is where it's known for its Amish population.So we have city boy and then me in the country with the cows.And was your.
Speaker C
Was your childhood more tame?
Speaker A
No, no, no, no.I think that I saw some things.You know, I was born in the 80s, so I was in the era of the, you know, the whole crack epidemic.You know, I had, you know, my father was an addict, had uncles who were addicts, and by the time that I was in sixth grade, I was, you know, I can go and.And purchase my own alcohol.
Speaker C
Wow.
Speaker A
So it wasn't tame at all compared to him, who I would say would.He probably was on a little more of a straight and narrow path than I was.
Speaker C
Wow.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker C
So, yeah, you would think it'd be the opposite, but it sounds like it's not.
Speaker A
No, we weren't just cow tipping.
Speaker B
Wow.
Speaker A
And then when we had to, you know, when I got older, like, we traveled to Philadelphia to do all the big city stuff.
Speaker C
Oh, yeah.
Speaker A
So I saw a lot growing up.
Speaker C
Yeah.
Speaker A
So I always tell people I stopped drinking in ninth grade, so.Yeah.And then I picked it up again my high school graduation day.
Speaker C
Yeah.
Speaker A
So, yeah, it was, you know, I come from an era where, you know, my dad would give me some of his beer, so that's how I started drinking.So.
Speaker C
Well, you've.Yeah, we.We wanted to talk about how you grew up and.And kind of the.Your life and what led you to write the book.And so, yeah, you've.You've transitioned.Nice.Into that and in your early childhood.So why don't you kind of bring us into maybe your teenage years kind of before you met this individual that you say.
Speaker A
He.
Speaker C
He almost stole my life.That's the title of your book.He Almost Stole My Life.
Speaker A
That is the title of my book.And I'll get more into this a little later.But when I wrote the book, like I mentioned earlier, when we were talking, it was a journaling exercise for me not to go back to the relationship.So the first line I wrote was, when I was 23 years years old, I met the guy who almost stole my life away.And that was me telling myself to not go back.But I was born and raised in the church, believe it or not.You know, I was.If you.If you hear my story, you may not believe that, but I never had to go searching for Jesus.Like I always knew of Jesus Christ.
Speaker C
Yeah.
Speaker A
Did I have a relationship with him?No.But I always knew who he was.And I went through the whole, you know, I was a church girl for a good amount of time where I was very zealous about me going to church, not about a Relationship with Christ.So in middle school, when I started to take religion seriously, and I'll say religion versus relationship, like, I was very serious about my church attendance and participating in.Like I said, I was in choirs, I played instruments, I directed choirs, I was there.The church I grew up in was.I grew up in a Pentecostal apostolic church.So Sundays were like, we were in church all day.And then, you know, we had the midweek services and anything else that came along with that.So that was.My life was surrounded with church.And then I also played basketball from the age of seven and that pretty much consumed my entire life.And then I get to high school and things start changing a little bit.I'm growing up a little bit and.And basketball was taken away from me because I was sick.I didn't know who I was anymore because I don't play basketball.And I'm starting to look outside of the church for things to do in relationships with people.And by the time I was in, you know, my senior year in high school, I started drinking again, went to college, went full blown crazy in college, like partying, drinking heavy.I never went to class, so I felt out of college my first year.Unfortunately, I was there on.On a scholarship, failed out.And that's when my life started to spiral a little bit.And the funny thing is I don't have time to talk about this, but when I was 19, I was like deathly ill, like in the hospital.I was sick an entire summer in the hospital for two months.And that's where, you know, I thought would be my turnaround with, you know, my relationship with God.Because he was with me during that time, like during my lonely periods, he was with me.And I kind of forgot about that when I got better.
Speaker C
Oh, wow.
Speaker A
Yeah.So, you know, 19, I'm all serious.20, 21 Is like, yeah, I can drink legally.I'm gonna go buy some alcohol.Yeah, I'm gonna go party.Because I didn't know how to handle, like, I didn't know who I was and my friends were doing it and it was fun and I didn't grow up sheltered, but I grew up churched.So by the time that I was able to make decisions on my own, it's like, I'm going to go to a party.As long as I can still get to church on Sunday.Like, that was my mindset that I was fine because I'm still going to church every Sunday, even if I'm walking in the building, like drunk or hungover from the night before.And my Mother.
Speaker C
So for you, it was.It was more about just attending church rather than okay?
Speaker B
Yeah.
Speaker A
It wasn't about relationship.I didn't understand that idea until after the relationship with the person that I wrote the book about.Huh.I didn't know what a relationship with God was.I thought I was okay as long as I checked all the boxes because my mom wanted me to go to church, so.
Speaker C
And so you thought you were okay?
Speaker A
I thought I was okay.And I thought it was better than people that didn't go to church, so.And then I hid everything.So I didn't do things in my town because I came from a very small town.So I. I traveled to Philly where people didn't know me.And as long as I could do all of this stuff in the dark.
Speaker C
And go to church and go to.
Speaker A
Church and still perform and still, you know, do all of that, I thought I was okay in God's eye.But I wasn't.Go ahead.
Speaker B
What would you say, at what point for you then kind of led to having that real relationship with Christ?Like, what led you to that?
Speaker A
The relationship that I had with Mr.The person I called Mr.In my book.That's when I realized, after being in this relationship for several years, did I realize that something was wrong with me and church wasn't enough.Me going to church wasn't enough because I stopped going to church and I needed something more than what I was taught for many years as an active member of a church.
Speaker C
How long were you in a relationship total with this individual?
Speaker A
Five years.
Speaker C
Five years.And so maybe somewhere kind of in the middle of that, you decided it.
Speaker A
Was closer to the end of the relationship.When I realized that something needed to change, and I just did not know what that change was.So I went about trying to make all these changes with myself to better the relationship, but I needed to actually work on my relationship with Christ.And that came, like, towards the end, like year four or five, when I realized, like, okay, this is not working, and then actually taking time to, like, study the Bible and read it and study it and realize what I was doing in my mindset was completely off.And I couldn't have Christ in that relationship.So, wow, eventually I chose Christ, but it wasn't.It didn't come without a bunch of kicking and screaming because I wanted both.
Speaker C
Yeah.
Speaker A
And I couldn't have it.
Speaker C
Yeah.So the process of, I guess, kind of being convicted about the different lifestyles, the one that you were hiding versus the one that you were, you know, showing in church.
Speaker B
Church.
Speaker C
That process of kind of deciding, you know, I've got to pick one or the other was more gradual.
Speaker A
It was more gradual because during this time.So I met him when I was 23.My mother was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer.She eventually passed away that year.And I didn't understand why God did that.So part of me was angry with God, which made it easier for me to cut everything off that had to do with God and focus on this relationship.So, you know, you're in this toxic relationship that you're just, you know, not only being physically abused, but mentally and verbally abused, financially abused, like on a daily basis.Eventually you come to a point where you decide that you have to make some changes.Now, we can keep going through these cycles, and if anyone has been in any of these types of relationship, you understand the cycles where, you know, you think if you're on your best behavior, things won't happen.And then some days there's good days, but most of the days are bad and there's nothing that you're going to do that's going to change the behavior of another person.
Speaker C
Right.
Speaker A
So, yeah, it was, you know, from God, like, tugging at my heart and me allowing God back in, which helped me realize, like, I'm not going to be able to hold on to this relationship because he doesn't love God.He surely doesn't love me.
Speaker C
Wow, you make an excellent point.So I think.Well, actually, two.Two things I was thinking of.The first one was talking about how I was in an abusive relationship previously.And it was kind of like the.The good times were really good.And it kind of almost made you feel like the bad times.Well, I can just kind of get through it.I can just, you know, I guess.Was it white knuckle, white knuckling and bear down and get through it?And I feel like that's kind of a clue as to, you know, something's wrong.There's a pattern of just these really high highs and really low lows.And that's not sustainable.
Speaker A
No, it's.It's not sustainable.However, you have to conclude that this is not working on a good day.
Speaker C
That's a good point.Because that's a good point.
Speaker A
It's EAS come to that conclusion when you've been knocked down the stairs.Yeah, but on a good day, you have to decide this.I don't want this.There's no.It's not enough money in the world.And when I say financial abuse is because there was a lot of money tied to the abuse I received so every time I received any sort of whatever, there was this dangling of money in my account, but that's not sustainable.So I'm going to either die to get this money, or I'm just going to, you know, make a decision that I'm not going to do this anymore.And there wasn't a thing that happened because the things had happened.You know that.
Speaker C
Right.
Speaker A
The.The red flags, the, you know, everything that I try to warn women against, and some men, because I know some men who are in abusive relationships, the red flags, like, you should yield to those.But that wasn't enough for me.And I know that's not enough for a lot of people.So it's not like a moment.Well, for me, it wasn't a moment where I said, ah, my ribs are broken.I think this is enough.
Speaker C
Yeah.
Speaker A
You know, it was on a good day where I actually could call him, reach him on the phone and have a normal conversation with him, and everything seemed fine.
Speaker C
Yeah.
Speaker A
Is when I decided, you know, it's not going to work.
Speaker C
Right.
Speaker A
So, yeah.
Speaker B
I want to back up a little bit and highlight something that's connected to something you wrote in your book.Part of it you put.When I was 23 years old, I unexpectedly met the guy who took my breath away in all the wrong ways.At that age, I was not ready for the relationship trap he set that led me to willingly give my entire life away.So I kind of want to back up a little bit to that and just maybe bring us into that part of your story and explain to us how the two of you met.Because sometimes we think of these situations as like, both people were on board.Sometimes people don't realize in these situations that abusers target their victims over a period of time, and they find their victims and they find the ways to manipulate the situations to make it seem like, this is great.So I just kind of want to highlight that, like, how did you guys meet?
Speaker A
Well, coming from this church girl, I met him at a club.We met at a club on Memorial Day weekend.And I remember this because I had off work Monday because it was Memorial Day weekend.And so it was a Sunday night, unfortunately, I remember that.And when we used to go out, when me and my girlfriends would go out, we had fake names, we had fake phone numbers, and we never gave our real information unless we were interested in the person pursuing.And that night, I remember I danced with, you know, a bunch of people.And it wasn't until I was tired of dancing that I met him.I was.I had moved to the side.And he walked up to me and started talking.And I thought that was intriguing because he didn't, he didn't want to talk to me from dancing because I knew how I danced.So it wasn't, you know, he wasn't pursuing me because he thought he was getting something because, you know, I may have been dancing provocatively.And then the other thing is, I mentioned it in my book.He looked, I had a whole thing for Kanye West.Don't kill me.And through my lenses at the time, he reminded me of Kanye West.And then he had a good job.So those things were like, okay, we'll see where this goes.
Speaker C
Yeah.
Speaker A
But before him, I didn't take guys very seriously.So I never had like a real.Really.I had a relationship that I didn't know I was in one time, which is a whole nother story.But when I met him, he was so serious and so dedicated to succeeding in life.And I was, I had a very low paying job.I don't know if anyone, if you listen to me in any of my podcasts or YouTube episodes, I talk about.I had a criminal record at the time.I couldn't get a good job and he had a really good job and I felt so low about myself.And then he came in and he had drove, he was driving a nice car, you know, he had cash in his pocket and like he presented this world that I didn't think I could achieve on my own.So that's how I fell into this relationship at the age of 23.Because I lacked self esteem.
Speaker C
Yeah.So, yeah, yeah, another, another great point.Something I had to, I think in my own journey figure out how good people do bad things and bad people do good things.And what I am will not willing to put up with in that process.And how when we're younger we always think that, oh, this abusive person is going to look like a monster and they're going to come out from behind the corner and scare me and boom.And I'm going to know.Yeah, I'm going to know.This isn't good.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker C
And it's not, it is not always like that.
Speaker A
No, it's almost never.They're not going to present themselves that way in the beginning.
Speaker C
Yeah.
Speaker A
Like, physical abuse usually comes last.Like you're not going to go on a date with someone you just met and he's not, you know.
Speaker C
Right.
Speaker A
You're reading the menu and he doesn't like what you order.He's not going to smack you for it the first time you meet Right.Eventually, though, it does come.It comes.And it's probably not going to come in that restaurant, but it's going to come at home.Yeah, but you're not getting that.In the beginning.You get some.You notice some signs and there are some red flags, but it's not going to be.You're not going to believe you're being manipulated.You're not going to believe you're being isolated because the friends you hang with are not good for you.So we need to, you know, keep you away from those friends and then your family.If your family doesn't like me, then there's something wrong with them.So, you know, it's funny to me,.
Speaker C
The very definition of manipulation, you don't know you're being manipulated.
Speaker B
Right.
Speaker C
And that's the crazy making part of it.It's like, am I crazy?You know, and if you're thinking, am I crazy?Well, that's.That's the manipulation part of it.You don't know you're being manipulated.
Speaker A
No.Yeah.No, not at all.
Speaker B
And I'm glad you brought that up, because I wanted to ask you, how far into the relationship were you when you started to notice red flags?Because like you said, the physical abuse usually comes last, and the.The hidden abuse, whether financial, spir, emotional, mental, all those, it can be hard to spot initially.So how far into the relationship were you when you finally started to kind of realize some red flags?
Speaker A
I can tell you it was no more than three months, maybe three to four months.And that I noticed something that should have had me running the opposite direction.And of course, it happened because I was living on the outside of God's will.So I was at another club in my life.My younger 20s is filled with, like, stories of me being at a party or something.But we were together, and long story short, we got into an argument.And the way he looked at me when, you know, I was, you know, outside talking to him scared me.And it should have been enough to say, this isn't going to work.But by that time, at that time, my mother was, you know, at the tail end of her illness.And I thought that he was the only thing I had.So there was no turning back from that.We actually had a break.That was like, our first breakup.And I remember, like, how I felt like thinking that I would never talk to him again.And, like, the gut feeling that came with that.And I remember the night, like, I'm not getting any sleep that night, and, like, crying and not being able to reach him.Like, I remember all that.And I didn't want.I couldn't live with the idea of not being.So I begged him to get back with me.
Speaker C
So you were at a club and he broke up with you, he was mad at you for being at the club and.
Speaker A
No, we were together, and we got into an argument because he was.Dan.He.He was dancing with someone else.I had walked away, and I come back, and he was dancing with someone else.And nothing's wrong with dancing other people, but he didn't even realize I was back.And his friends that were with him were trying to tell him, like, she, you know, you need to stop.And he didn't even recognize that I had walked back in.So that was, you know, the.The big.That's where the argument stemmed from.
Speaker B
So.
Speaker A
And then, you know, just went.
Speaker C
So you tried to say that you did not like that you did not prefer that.
Speaker A
No, no.Not to the point where you don't even know I'm.I'm here, like, okay, I get it.You're a guy, but I'm back now, so leave her alone.And.
Speaker C
Right.
Speaker A
Come tend to me.
Speaker C
Yeah.
Speaker A
And.
Speaker C
And it escalated from there.
Speaker A
Yeah.Yeah.To the point where I had my girlfriends come pick me up because he wouldn't even take me to get my car.So.Yeah.
Speaker C
And then y' all got back together.Yeah.
Speaker A
Yep.The next two days, I think.I think I had a whole conversation with one of his friends on the phone, like, the night.That night.And he's like, you know, just give him time to cool down.And then afterwards, he was upset that I was talking to his friend on the phone.I'm like, well, he called me.I don't know what you want me to do.So all of that should have been, like, enough for me, but it wasn't.And it was to the point where I wasn't the one at fault, but I felt like I was the one at fault.
Speaker C
Right.
Speaker A
So that's where that whole manipulation steps in.It's like, you were wrong, but why am I crying?To get you back?
Speaker C
Yeah.
Speaker A
You know, so.
Speaker B
Yeah, I forget.I forget what they call it in that one book we had went through by Shannon Thomas about hidden abuse.And I forget what she calls it, but it's that cycle of where, like, you get the love bombing and they draw you in and then they discard you and you.It feels like a yo, yo, basically of this back and forth of emotions and.
Speaker C
Yeah.Yeah.So let's go to.Let's see.In your book, you say this is a direct quote from your book, Bruised and Broken, I finally decided to overcome life's obstacles and move to action.So what did that look like?We had talked about kind of a gradual process where you came to realize, I don't want to do this anymore.Man, I never thought about that.You talking about having to make that decision in the good moment, man, that was, that was beautiful.I think that was the most life changing moment.And so we talked about that.But what series of revelations or events when you realize, okay, I need to move into action?And then what did that look like?
Speaker A
So the series was, there's a chapter in my book titled One Door Slams, I believe.And that's when the physical abuse started.So that night was the first time I was ever hit by him.So what happened prior to that was I felt God tugging on my heart.So I had lost my mother to breast cancer.I lost all my friends that were around, like my circle of friends, you know, died off like in one fell swoop, basically.So I'm holding onto this relationship with dear life and I'm like crying and begging to God, begging God, like to let me keep this because everything else, I lost everything else.So I'm going through this where I need to.I'm trying to reconnect with God at this time in my life.I knew something needed to change and I'm trying to figure out what.It's a glaring change, but I'm trying to figure out like, okay, what else do I need to change in my life?So I'm trying to focus on God more.In.In God's telling me you're not going to be able to have both, but I don't want to hear that.So I'm trying to rededicate my life to God because, you know, I'm getting older and this life is just not sustainable.And so that meant there were some limitations or some restrictions that I had to place on the relationship so I could no longer do all the partying because you know, that, that conflicts with my, me and my relationship with God.I gotta slow down on the drinking.I can, you know, the drug, you know, like that's, that's gonna hinder it.And he didn't meet that girl.So this guy that I was with didn't meet that girl and he didn't like that girl.So this particular night where I write about in this chapter in my book, we had went out to a club because he did electrical work and he wanted to show me some of the work he did at this new club.And I wasn't really interested because I didn't want to go to a club.So I'm, like, in a mood all night, pretty much, and I just want to go home.And we finally leave, and we get back to his place.We're arguing the whole entire time in the car because I'm not the girl he knew and loved, and, you know, he didn't like the new me and whatever, and however that went.And so I'm assuming that when we get back to his place, I'm getting my stuff and I'm going home, because who wants to stay around someone if we're not getting along tonight?So I get back to his place, and I start to pack up my clothes, and he.The first thing he says is, oh, so you're leaving?And I'm like, yeah, I thought that was obvious.I didn't think you wanted me around.So then he gets agitated, and he's, you know, all right, well, you want to leave, leave.So I'm leaving, pack my stuff up, and I'm leaving, and I'm walking out the door, and he slams the door on me as I'm walking out the door.Your natural reaction to something slamming into you is to push it back.And that pushback was enough for him to think that I hit him.So that meant I got pulled back into the doorway, slammed up on the wall.And then that's when the physical abuse started.And I didn't believe that that was happening.It literally could have last, like, 30 seconds, but it felt like, you know, hours.And from there, I realized I needed to make some changes, some more changes within myself that's going to better the relationship.So I'm thinking of everything I did that night to let that led up to that.So I just won't do that stuff anymore, right?And every time I try to cut something out or do something different, it didn't work.So I'm losing myself.More so as I'm trying to focus on a relationship with God, trying to focus on our relationship, and I'm trying to become this person that he wants me to be, not the person that God wants me to be.The person that he wants me to be, I'm finding that I'm losing myself more and more.And nothing is working.Like, nothing is stopping you from hitting me whenever you want.I don't know what sets you off anymore.And I remember going to the altar one day and crying.I went to the altar of my church, and I'm crying to God like, I don't know what to do.Like, I'm trying to live my life for you and it's not going as planned.And because I don't want you to, you know, I want you to change him so that our relationship works and it's not working.And I remember getting up from the altar and feeling like some, you know, self satisfying gratification that I just poured myself out to God and then I go to my seat.And the following Sunday my pastor taught on the scripture, obedience is better than sacrifice and made me really think about what I was doing and what I thought I was sacrificing.And when you look at sacrifice like I'm not sacrificing anything.I'm this relationship, what I'm doing in this relationship, I'm not, I'm sacrificing myself for the relationship and not for God.So that was a turning point for me because I wasn't even supposed to be in the relationship and.
Speaker C
I had.
Speaker A
To, you know, come to that conclusion on my own.But God's like sitting there waiting for me.
Speaker C
Yeah.
Speaker A
You know, and God patiently waited for me.But it was, you know, a long going back and forth of me trying to hold on to something that God didn't want me holding on to.
Speaker C
So yeah, it was like he was fighting for you.And a lot of times I say, you know, when we're in situations like that, God, God tries to scream at us louder than the individuals around us.Yeah.
Speaker B
Did you have any type of support network around you?Because, you know, you said you lost some family and some friends and I'm just sitting here thinking, man, to not, to not have somebody in that situation.
Speaker C
Yeah.
Speaker A
It's funny because the friends that I lost, we're, we're cordial now, but we had to go through a time of separation because we all had to grow.So I couldn't have gotten out of the relationship in that friend circle.So when I lost that, God sent other people who I'm not, I, I haven't spoken to in years.So.But I needed them for a season to help me get through this relationship.And I mean, and they held me accountable for it.You know, they, if I got a phone call from him, it was like, you know, don't answer it.And I knew if I, if it's 2 o' clock in the morning and if I'm feeling lonely, I know I can shoot a text out and someone will respond.So that's what I needed for that season.And then I got heavily involved in my church so that I didn't even have time.Like I Was so distracted with that.And it wasn't.You know, I wasn't doing it.I did it because I wanted to, because that's how I. I was dedicating my life to God, back to God.So I needed to dive deep into it and actually study his word and understand what a relationship with God means from just going to church, you know, doing everything that you do in church.I had to figure out what it meant to actually have a relationship with Jesus Christ, what your life looked like.So I learned that during that time.
Speaker C
So the things that you found helpful were some friends who.Who could kind of help you stay on the course that you wanted to stay on, which was away from this individual.Was there anything that you've found unhelpful during this time?
Speaker A
That is a good question.Unhelpful during that time?No, honestly, during that time, nothing was unhelpful for me.So I was surrounded with good people.My sister, who was very instrumental in my life and still is.You know, I built a relationship with her during that time.Yeah.It wasn't easy, but it was helpful.Now, like I said, I don't speak to the people who God surrounded me with any longer.So some of our personalities after that clash.But I do realize, like, that was for that season, right?
Speaker C
Yeah.
Speaker A
So what would have been unhelpful was for me to remain friends with the people I were friends with, I was already friends with, who didn't know what to do to help me get out of a situation, because that's what we had in common.
Speaker C
Yeah.
Speaker A
So I'm friends with people who have toxic relationships.
Speaker C
Yeah.
Speaker A
So it's like, I don't know how to tell you to get out of your relationship.I'm in one, too.And that's how we bonded.It almost became like a competition.
Speaker C
Yeah.
Speaker A
Like, who can go through the worst and still stand?So.Yeah.Yeah.
Speaker C
Like that old adage, if you want to change playgrounds, you have to change playmates, too.
Speaker A
Yeah.Which is true.Yeah.
Speaker B
That's good to hear, though, because I feel like in so many of these situations, I mean, sometimes you hear the complete opposite.Opposite.Like, there's so much unhelpful things.So, like, to hear somebody say, yeah, God sent me people for that season that I needed.Because a lot of times, like, when we talk to people and hear stories like my sister's situation and just people we know, nobody believes the victim because the.The perpetrator is just a charismatic person who's loved by everybody and.But, man, just, it's.It's Good to hear that there are people out there that you can count on.
Speaker A
You know what?And the funny thing about that is I didn't tell anyone I was being physically abused.They just knew that the relationship wasn't good for me.
Speaker C
Wow.
Speaker A
So people didn't know about the abuse until I wrote this book and published it.
Speaker C
Wow.
Speaker A
They just knew this person was trying to separate her, me from God and from them.
Speaker C
Wow.
Speaker A
So they knew he wasn't a good person.I mean, if, if you're in a horrible relationship, usually other people know that that person is not a good person for you.And it takes a while for you, if you're in it, to realize it.So they knew that it wasn't going to work and they were just waiting for me to get to the other side and actually reach out for help.
Speaker C
Wow.
Speaker A
So.And they were, you know, like I said, I mentioned my sister.We're very close now.My sister's husband, who was our pastor at the time, really was instrumental and getting me through it also.And yeah, it was, I didn't have to prove to them.
Speaker C
Wow.
Speaker A
That he wasn't good.They just knew it from how, from me, from how he treated me and from what they saw.And sometimes men, I'll say my brother in law, who's my sister's husband, they can see things in other men that females are not going to see.So they can look at a man and say, think like they're, you know, this is not a good guy for you.So I think I, I had that in my brother in law.He would help me, you know, come to that because my real brother passed away when he was 35.So I had him and he really helped me see like the true colors of this person.
Speaker C
Wow.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker C
Praise God.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker C
Yeah.I agree.The support network you have can be hugely impactful, some in bad ways and some in good ways.And that's fantastic.You had people around you who were.Yeah.Just fighting for you.Fighting for you and saying this is not good for you.Yeah.Regard.Regardless of anything that he did or they didn't even know that he did.That's great.Yeah.So let's see.Did we talk about what were you learning about God through all of this that you were facing?Was there specific characteristics of God that you clung to in this process of trying to heal and move out of this relationship mentally, I mean, you'd already moved on physically.Right.But also mentally, emotionally, that he's patient.
Speaker A
Is probably the number one thing that I learned because like I mentioned, I almost died that should have been enough for me to be on the straight and narrow, and it wasn't.And God waited for me to come back, and he didn't take me out when I was living, you know, outside of his will.So that is one of the major things I learned about God and that he really loved me.I mean, oftentimes we.When we.We go through trauma in life, we don't think God loves us.Because why would he let you?Now, some of the things we.We bring upon ourselves, like that relationship, I brought it upon myself, but it's still like God.You know, I'm being tortured in this relationship.
Speaker C
Yeah.
Speaker A
Why are you not showing me in a way that I hear and understand you?Like, why are you.Why would you present someone to me that has it all together, who doesn't have it all together like this?
Speaker B
You.
Speaker A
You mean this is the last person who met my mother is not the person I'm going to marry?Okay.That doesn't seem logical to me.
Speaker C
Yeah.
Speaker A
Like, how would.
Speaker C
How does a good God allow that to happen?
Speaker A
Yeah.Yeah.So, you know, and then relearning that after being angered about losing my mom, you know, it took a little a while, and it took a while for me to realize I was mad at God for that.And then it took a while for me to get on the other side of that anger, to process that and get on the other side and allow him to love me, Me.
Speaker B
So that's good.
Speaker C
Yeah.So kind of going back a little bit, you wrote in your book, if you think that you are condemned to remain in the chaotic situation you were created, I'm here to tell you that that is a lie.God convicts the backslider, but he does not condemn the broken.And so I was hoping you could tell us a little bit more about that, because you said several times that, that you.You put yourself into that situation.
Speaker A
So the thing about being a follower of Christ is that you have to realize that we are not perfect.For one, we're going to do some things that might go against the will of God and understand that that shouldn't keep you away from Him.See, conviction, you should run towards God when you feel conviction, when you feel convicted for doing things, that means you're running towards God for forgiveness and repentance and work through change.Condemnation makes you run away from God.So when you feel condemned for some of the things you are doing and the guilt that comes along with that, you're going to run away from God because you don't feel worthy of his love.And his forgiveness and Satan sets that trap for us often, is to make us feel condemned for some of the things that we do now.Some things happen to us, but then there are some things that we do that we feel so dirty about that we're not even going to run to God and pray about it.We're going to run away from Him.So I wrote that for people to understand that although we are human and we do some stuff, he's still looking for you and has his arms open for you to come running back to him.Because if that wasn't the case for me, I would have died in that relationship.When I was pushing God away, God was still waiting for me.Some people may look at five years and not think that that's anything but.He waited five years for me after he told me that wasn't the guy for you, and I still disobeyed and went into a relationship with him.He's still there.Open arms.
Speaker C
Yeah.
Speaker A
I want you back.
Speaker C
Yeah.So condemning yourself, sentencing yourself to that relationship.
Speaker A
Yes.Yeah, yeah.Because if.If we don't truly believe that God loves us and forgives us, then what Jesus did on the cross was for nothing.It almost spits in the face of what he did on the cross to say that my sin is too hard or too big for what you went through.So, yeah, to.
Speaker C
To repent from it and to turn away from it.
Speaker A
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker B
Was there at times some shame and guilt came along with that, as far as, like, you were in the relationship, but did you ever feel at times any shame and guilt as, like, you felt like it was your fault that those things were happening to you?
Speaker A
Of course.I mean, if we want to just think of it horizontally in the relationship, like me and the person that I'm with, you know, of course I'm thinking that I brought this on myself, but when I think about my vertical relationship with Christ, like, and thinking that I ignored his warning signs in, like, this is what you get when you ignore Christ.Of course.Yeah.I felt totally guilty in the relationship and shameful.And that part of that shame is what keeps you away from Christ, you.
Speaker B
Know, because it comes from Satan.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker B
Now here on the podcast, some verses that we kind of claim and, and, and talk about.Well, probably not as often as I would.Like in Second Corinthians 12, verses 9 and 10, the podcast subtitle or whatever is celebrating Christ's power through our weakness.And it's something I need to talk about more when we do interviews and, and kind of tying things together.But Those two verses is.It says, each time he said, my grace is all you need.My power works best in your weakness.So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses so that the power of Christ can work through me.Verse 10 says, that's why I take pleasure in my weaknesses and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ.For when I am weak, then am I strong.So as you think through, you know, being on the other side of this and your story where God has brought you, how have you seen his power made perfect in your weakness?
Speaker A
Well, that is a loaded question.But I think, you know, if we're.We're limiting this experience to that relationship, because I go through my life where I'm realizing that I'm not strong enough to handle this and I need to give this to God.And another thing with that is, oftentimes we, as Christians, we think that we're not.We think that we're.We're equipped to handle some things because, you know, we write off of the verse that God won't give us more than we can bear or whatever the verse is, is usually misinterpreted.And really, Christianity, the whole.One of the ideas, the main ideas is that we are weak.And we do need Christ.And we need to recognize that when we're in those weak moments that we gotta call out for him to save us.Like, literally, like, I need you to say, I'm not able to do this alone.So in the relationship, like I mentioned earlier, that moment that when the first physical abuse happened that night, I was weak, that was a very weak moment for me.And even though I didn't immediately run to Christ, I knew that I needed him.So I knew that some changes needed to be made.I just didn't know what they needed to be.But God kept me in that moment.And then he kept me after, when it continued to happen, where I felt like I was less than nothing in this relationship.But if we're talking about life, I mean, I was literally, you know, I keep.I'll keep, keep going back to 19 on my deathbed where I had a conversation with God in the hospital.Like, if this is the end of my life, I'm fine with it.Like, I give it to you.So I have moments, and I think as a Christian, we all have moments where we realize that we are weak.We didn't.We need God's strength.I mean, my family that, you know, my husband and I and our son are having moments right now where we're like, God, we don't know what to do with this.And it's literally a cry out, like, I need you.Because if it was up to us, this will happen, and this will happen in.In, you know, life will be great, but life's not great right now.And I don't know how to handle it.Like, I don't know how to be strong in this situation.And we're not asked to be, so.
Speaker C
Wow.
Speaker B
It's good.
Speaker C
Yeah.If we can save ourselves, we don't need a savior.
Speaker A
No.And I think another thing with that is, like, we recognize that God's not going to do things the way we want him to do it.
Speaker C
Yeah.
Speaker A
And that's the unfortunate part about giving your life to Christ and giving him all your fears and all you pray to him for things.This is.I always tell people I'm very selective of what I pray about because God usually does it, and I don't usually like the way he does it.
Speaker B
Yeah.
Speaker A
So I'm very specific and selective what.Of what I decide that I want.You know, if I'm praying for patience, my son's gonna drive me crazy.Yeah.When I was in this relationship, when I first was in a relationship, and we had one of our arguments and we were, I think, broken up, I remember asking God for a sign that he wasn't the one for me.He gave me a sign.I didn't like it and I didn't yield to it.But that's when I found out he was married.And it was like, oh, okay.Well, God, thank you.So I'm very, like, cautious of what I ask God for, because it usually comes in a way that I don't.It's going to hurt a little bit.
Speaker C
Yeah.
Speaker A
So.
Speaker C
Yeah.
Speaker B
Good.One thing I don't think we mentioned at the beginning, maybe you said it, but I can't remember.You're also.You're a certified victim advocate.Is that what it's called?
Speaker A
Yes.
Speaker B
Okay.So as you kind of think through that and you think through the victims that you work with, thinking of people who might not be on the other side of this yet, what would be some words of encouragement that you could leave for them or just any.Anybody listening?
Speaker C
What.
Speaker B
What would you say?
Speaker A
You know, it's funny because I've met someone recently who I was working with who said, they have my book, and they got halfway through it, but it was triggering, so they stopped reading it.And I was taken aback a little bit because I wrote the book, so I don't read it every day, but I never had someone that honestly with me, and usually people read, oh, God, it's great.I never had someone say, I couldn't finish the book because it was triggering.And I had to really think about my response to that and my response to that person and anyone else who's going through anything similar to abuse, toxic relationships is, you got to get to the other side.You gotta get to the end of the book.Because this isn't just.It's a you.You're going to be triggered.And your triggers are just reminders of where we need God to heal our hearts.But you got to get to the end.And if you stop there, you're going to get stuck there and stay there.So whatever you're going through, if you're deciding that you want to make a change, you want to do something different, be aware that they're going to be some obstacles, you're going to feel some pain that you're not.You haven't felt in this relationship.There's going to be some heartache, you're going to lose some people.But you got to get to the other side because God is there waiting, arms open, but you're not able to drag this stuff with you.I often say, and I pastor from Philadelphia, Pastor Fouche always said a quote that time, God's not into time sharing.You know, that's something I live with.I couldn't bring that relationship with me because God doesn't want to share that darkness with him.Like dark and light.They're, you know, they're not going to work together.So if you're trying to get, if you're trying to do something different and you've made decisions to do something different, and then all of a sudden all h e double hockey sticks break loose.Understand, you're on the right path.Don't stop, don't go back.Because you, you got to get to the other side.Like in Philly.In Philly, we don't have it down here.Like they have subway systems in Philly.They call it.One of them is the L. It goes underground and it's so dark down there.And I remember being so.Feeling so claustrophobic the first time I wrote it because I didn't grow up in Philly.And I remember getting on it and everyone seeming okay and I'm feeling like nervous.And you got all these rats and mice running around and stuff.And it's the middle of the day and it's almost pitch black down there.And then all of a sudden you get to the end at the End of the tunnel, and then you start seeing the light.And that's how my relationship is with God.Like, eventually, you're going to see the light at the end of that tunnel.You just got to get there.You got to deal with the nastiness.You got to deal with all the people around you coughing.You don't know if they have Covid.You got to deal with the mice and the rats and the dirtiness on this subway to get to the other side, and you can get off and live your life.So don't stop.
Speaker C
Yeah.
Speaker A
Like, don't stop, because once you stop, you're going to go back.
Speaker C
Yeah.
Speaker A
You're not going to stay there.You're going to go backwards.
Speaker B
Right.
Speaker A
So.
Speaker C
Right.Yeah.It's easier to go back to what you're familiar with than it is to.To do something new.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker C
So don't stop.Yeah.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker B
I think that's one thing we see a lot in the recovery ministries we work with is a lot of times people, when they say they're triggered, that's the point.They want to stop.And we try to encourage people like.Like you're saying, you can't stop here.Like, those triggers are just evidences of work that God wants to do in your healing, and you got to keep moving forward, no matter how uncomfortable it is.If you want to see the changes happen.
Speaker C
Yeah, yeah, yeah.And typically, those who have continued to work through that and keep going, something else is going to come up in life.You know, like you were talking about right now.You're in a situation, something else is going to come up in life.But I'll guarantee you, you probably bounce back a lot quicker than you used to.
Speaker A
Yeah, yeah, yeah.And then most people that I know who've gone through trauma are the best people to help people get through it.So if you don't have a reason, let that be your reason, you know, Let that.That be your push that there are some people that you can help.I mean, your main reason needs to be you.
Speaker C
Yeah.
Speaker A
You need to recover.
Speaker C
Yeah.
Speaker A
But, you know, if you think about all the other people, people that you probably know that you can help get, you know, from point A to point B, because most of the time, when you're doing it, when you're going through it, you're not able to say, okay, so step one, this is what I did.If you're in quicksand, you're just thinking, I got to get out of this quicksand.You're not thinking, okay, so if I pull that.That branch from the tree I can pull.It's.Everything is all at once.And then when you sit back and think about it, it's like, oh, that's how I got out, and that's how I can help someone else get out.
Speaker C
Yeah.
Speaker A
But, yeah, triggers, you know, I don't want to say they're excuses, because they're very real, and they can evoke very real feelings.
Speaker C
Yeah.
Speaker A
But we often stop there.
Speaker B
We see them as only a negative thing.
Speaker A
Yes.Yeah, yeah, yeah.So, yeah.
Speaker C
And I think.I think as we begin to see them as positive ways, that.Okay, God.God is trying to reveal something to me.God is trying to show me somewhere that he wants to heal.I feel like that's when we start to realize I'm healing.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker C
God is healing me.I'm gonna get through this.Not.Not just keep going, but I'm gonna get through this.God's gonna bring me through this.And then the next time something happens, you're like, okay, God got me through this last time.He's gonna get me through again.
Speaker A
Yeah.And, you know, you have to want a different story for your.Your life.Like, you shouldn't just want this to be your life.
Speaker C
Yeah.
Speaker A
In.But you have to want it.I mean, there's no way that any of us can help someone who doesn't want it.
Speaker C
Very true.
Speaker A
But, yeah, triggers are.They're.They're a thing.
Speaker C
They are.They are.Yeah.And I think in my healing journey, when I began to recognize, okay, this too shall pass.And it's not fun.It's not fun.They are real.It's not fun.But it is a way towards healing to embrace it.Yeah.
Speaker B
Good.Well, Shayla Renee, we appreciate you coming on the show and being willing to share your parts of your story and being vulnerable.And we just pray that, you know, it can give hope to others who might be facing similar things and might not be seeing that light in the tunnel yet.And we just pray.Helps bring more awareness to abuse, different forms of abuse, and how to.How to find help.Let's close it out.Let's kind of give a plug for some of your stuff, because you also have a podcast.Where can people find you?Maybe they want you for a speaking engagement or just to find.Find your podcast.
Speaker A
You can.You'll find everything on my website.So it's Shayla inspires dot com.So it's S-H-A Y L A inspires dot com.And you can find me from that link that Shayla inspires on YouTube, Facebook, Instagram.So it's all my handles.Yeah, make it really all the easy.Yeah.Make it really easy for you, but you'll find everything.
Speaker C
You know what inspires.
Speaker B
I will say, though, if you're searching on YouTube for.For that handle, it took me a while to find you.Like, I can't believe how many other people are.However, the algorithms work in searching for people, so they can find that all through your website, though.And then like I said earlier, if you go to our website, the Prodigal Journey.com you can find a bio about her that will be attached to this episode when we release it.And it'll have all the links there that you can go to to find her.So we'll even put a link for Amazon link for the book as well.So you guys can check that out.
Speaker C
Yeah.
Speaker B
All right.
Speaker A
Please do.
Speaker C
Yes.
Speaker B
Again, thank you, Shayla.We appreciate you coming on the show.
Speaker A
Thank you.
Speaker C
Thank you.
Speaker A
This was fun.
Speaker C
Yes.Thank you.
Speaker B
All right, we will see you all next time.Thanks for tuning in to the Prodigal Journey, where we celebrate Christ's power through our weakness.This podcast is available on all major platforms, so be sure you go and subscribe or leave us a review.Also, if you'd like to to reach out, you can reach me, Ben at the Prodigal Journey dot com.That's Ben at the Prodigal Journey dot com dot tune in next time to the Prodigal Journey.The commercials at the beginning of the podcast are pre generated by the audio hosting site and do not necessarily reflect the views of the Journey podcast network.
Ministry Author, Speaker, Podcaster, and Amazon #1 best-selling Authorpreneur
Shayla Reneé is a Christ-follower, wife, mother, women's wellness advocate, speaker, coach, Amazon #1 best-selling authorpreneur...and overcomer.
For this talented star point guard with the best dribble moves in the entire Coatesville Area School District, there was no high like the intoxicating squeaks of high-top sneakers and a bouncing ball on the gym floor. Then after a season of uncontrollable weight loss and physical decline during her eleventh grade year, a once-hopeful athletic career was stripped away by chronic illness. "If I'm not a basketball player anymore," Shayla asked herself, "then who am I?"
Between a rare cancerous genetic disorder, a childhood spent in dangerous urban streets, the tragic early loss of both parents, substance abuse, depression, domestic violence, legal trouble, and worse, Shayla's journey brought more problems than answers. But the pain never defined her. It just fueled her drive to help other women understand that they aren't defined by their painful past either.
At one point while Shayla was serving as an administrator of a Christian school, this calling to serve women was confirmed as many of her students' mothers and female relatives would naturally flock to her for life advice and coaching. Today, with nearly two decades of personal, professional, and ministry experience, Shayla ranks among the very best at helping other women pinpoint spiritual and emotional roadblocks, change their self-sabotaging inner dialogue, exchange unhealthy for healthy coping mechanis… Read More
